Monday, October 31, 2011


What an awesome day....ish.  It's been one of those days where I haven't felt well, so in turn I've been off. My mind has been everywhere and anywhere :D Life seems like it's going to look up today :D  I'm watching Syfy's Ghost Hunters Live Halloween show :D Awesome eh?

Thursday, October 27, 2011

A new outlook on life. ☂

I've come to realize my faults.  I know that I'm shy and reserved in person, but let me unleash online my true feelings come out.  Life seemed so dull and boring until I did that photo shoot of my friend.  He is very photogenic so that helped, but at the same time, just being able to be out with a camera, telling someone what to do, where to pose, made me feel powerful.  Until recently I thought that all I would ever be is someone who was pushed to the side. I definitely felt that way.  Everyone that I knew sort of pushed me to the back burner, at least until recently.  This new found love that I've found from people makes me want to jump for joy. Thus far, life seemed dreary and now, now i feel new, alive, thriving.  I think Im going to go with my original plan, finish what I can at Ivy Tech then transfer to IPFW.  That way I'm not moving away.  This is where my family is. This is where my friends are.  Why leave and force myself to find new ties when I have bonds here that with a little work can be strengthened?  All day I've had the word epiphany stuck in my head.  Not sure why.  Then it came to me....almost like an epiphany...I am an epiphany of passion.  I know what I want, it's just a matter of finding it now.  Love and Life can only hold me back so long.  It's my turn to start pushing back.

This is where my mind steps out of it's box and finds its way into this new realm of reality.  I know what I need, I know how to get it, not it's time for me to go out and get it.  :D


Monday, October 24, 2011

Falling...or is it failing?

well this sucks...just when i thought i found someone who may actually like me for me ... he tells me no. turns me down. maybe me moving away is a good idea...far far away...this town sucks the life out of me more and more each day and i cant be happy here anymore...

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Ashes to Ashes..

I've come to the conclusion that some things need to end.  I've been doing well with breaking myself of the the rest of my bad habits...which really are not that many.  I also am about to get back on track.  Life will be awesome from here on out!


Tuesday, October 18, 2011


My body screams at me.
My heart races.
I look towards the sky and see the clouds part and the rain fall. 
I begin to dance, play and jump. The rain calms my weary soul. 
Gives me life and peace.
Then the clouds dissipate, yet the rain still falls. 
The sun flicker and flashes, creating a rainbow.
The rain and the rainbow dance together well. 
The beauty is over welming and I begin to weep. 
The tears flow violently as I dance with the rain and rainbow in time.
I can only wish for such a beauty and to be able to experience it is even more amazing. 
I lay in the grass letting the rain wash away the tears and let the rainbow warm my heart. 
My frozen soul thaws and I love again.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

My Life

I was going through files on my computer finding things that I didn't need anymore and getting rid of them.  In the process I found a file entitled Poetry.  I didn't remember putting this one on my computer and when I started reading through it I realized that this was poetry that I had written when I was in High School and such. I've decided to post them on here for you enjoyment =-]

You and I
Megan Millhouse

You and I are different in our own ways
Sometimes our uniqueness really pays
Someday after school ends
We’ll all go our own way at the road’s bend

We all won’t be everyone’s first pick,
But we’re all united because we’re the class of 2006.
Live your life, dream your dreams, and listen to your heart,
We’re all like a fine piece of art.

We will reunited once again
Some of us will live the life of fame.
While others just relax and just live the gypsy life
Some will be the house wife.

In the end always just remember:

Party hardy, friends forever
Dance all night, we’ll be together
Girls like guys, and dudes like chicks
We are the class of 2006!

A Thousand
Megan Millhouse

If I could die a thousand deaths,
I would sleep eternally.
If I could cry a thousand tears,
I would be dry and tired.
If I could scream a thousand screams,
I would have no voice at all.
If I could cut a thousand cuts,
I would lie and bleed.
If I could lie a thousand lies,
I would live a life of hypocrisy
If I could live a thousand lives,
I would always pick mine.
If I could fly a thousand flights,
I would become a bird.
If I could,
If I would,
Would I really in the end?
Thousands and thousands
I’ll live and die
If I could…
A thousand…
Would I really?

The Domino Effect

She kept her hand steady as she set each in its place on the black top of a playground. She knew with each small move she could either place the domino safely or ruin the masterpiece she was creating. “Steady” she repeated in her head as the domino pieces made curves, and lives and waves in every direction. “17 more dominoes and I’m finally finished” She thought. With every domino she made a face. When she was finished she backed up a little and looked in dismay. Something was missing, something just wasn’t right. With a piece of white chalk she began to write. She wrote and erased and wrote and erased. Finally she knew exactly what it needed. She wrote with great care. She formed each letter with so much detail. In the end the sun was kissing the sky with watercolors right before the milkyway rose. She smiled and stood and turned to walk away, turned back and gracefully, with her index finger, pushed one domino over. She skipped off to her house. Once inside she stood in a window on the second floor smiling. She read aloud “Jesus loves you”. It’s what she decided was missing. Now you ask what the dominos showed. Well, just look below…
|          |
|          |
_____         _____
|                            |
_____         _____
|        |
|        |
|        |

Will This Never End?

Swallowed by fears
Drowned by tears
Will this never end?

Cuts so deep
The pain will keep
Will this never end?

The colors turn dull
I am hit by the bull
Will this never end?

I scream but no one can hear
I am standing on the edge of the pier
Will this never end?

I wish to live a better life,
But I have had too many encounters with a knife
Will this never end?

Somewhere at the roads bend,
I pray it all will mend.
Will this never end?


I’m really not here you just think I am.
I really don’t exist.
I’m just a figment of your imagination.
Someone or something you could have never imagined ever existed.
I’m the problems in your life that you can never get rid of.
I’m the worries that keep you up late wondering about.
No matter what you try to do you’ll never get rid of me.
No matter what you do, I’ll never leave.
I’m the sorrow in your heart.
I’m the things that make you cry.
I’m the things that make you scream.
I’m the fears you hide from.
I’m the things that make you shudder.
As I said before, I’m really not here; I do not exist.
You just think I do.
This is where I end my thoughts.
Maybe you’ll figure out I’m not ally here.
I’m nothing at all.
Darkness filled the air around me
I have nowhere to go
Pressure from friends to drink and do drugs
I feel my head’s going to blow.
No matter the pressure
I will not drink or do drugs
But my life is so hard
And I have no one to turn to.
I’m exhausted from running from my problems
I have nowhere to go.

My temples throb from weary eyes which need to cry, but I must stand strong; everyone is watching.

When the tears gently fall to the ground, on the soil where many have died, you remember the grief in others lives.
When you look towards the sky, praying for forgiveness, you remember the fears in your friend’s lives.
When you sing praises until Jesus Christ you remember the tears you and many people cried.
How many people who died on that day were right with the Lord?
How many weren’t?
Many buildings were ruined that day and vanished from the earth forever.
And people rejoice because people try to ruin our life?!
How can people do things of such disrespect?
Why do they do this?
Why don’t they care?
Who does?


She closes her eyes to her imperfections.
But even if blind she sees them.
She’s all alone and no one sees her tears.
She cries her lonesome tears
She worries her lonesome fears
She wonders what it would be life if she wasn’t perfect in their eyes.
She looks at herself in the mirror
Yet only sees pain and flaws
She doesn’t are anymore
The pain is taking over
She cries her lonesome tears
She worries her lonesome fears
She wonders what it would be life if she wasn’t even here.
She screams loud and long
She knows no one hears her
She thinks there’s no way
So she ends her pain
She use to cry because she wasn’t perfect
She use to scream from the pain
She knew the damage the razors would cause
But she doesn’t care


We all cry the same tears
Talk the same talk
So what’s so different about us?
You are popular
You are goth
You are a loner
You’re everything I’m not
Is that why we are so different?
We are all humans on this planet
See we are all the same in the end.
Just others are a little more unique and free we all smile
We all laugh
We all cry
We all die
So why do we act so different?
Why can’t we get along?
Why can’t you see past the differences?
And actually see
We’re all

The Edge

I am standing on the edge counting my thoughts,
Tears dry upon my damp face.
The salty sea crashing upon the rocks about me makes my knees weak,
And pricks my skin like thousands of needles.
I step closer to the edge to look upon my death.
The jagged rocks look appealing.
I spread my arms out wide and forget the pain around me.
I fall into the rocks of pity and despair.
I leave the pain behind only to begin another life of more pain.
And more chaos.
For eternity forevermore.

A Lonesome, Yet Perfect, Tear

Bright eyes and sparkling smile
No tears in sight
She looks so perfect
No flaw can be seen
But wait, what is this?
A lonesome, yet perfect, tear.
She smiles to hide it
With excuse “I have something in my eye.”
I see the pain within her eyes
And the sparkling smile is dull
Instead of the perfect person she used to be
She’s really not that perfect at all.
Every night her tears flow siwfitly
She wonders why she’s loved.
She knows what they think
But doesn’t care anymore
She cries another
Lonesome, yet perfect, tear
Then another and another
The cameras watch it all
She lives a life of despair and lies
She hides her face and runs away
She doesn’t even know why
So many tears fall that night
And finally everyone realizes
She’s not perfect
Another lonesome, yet perfect tear falls with pain
She doesn’t care and gives it all up right here
She sheds one last lonesome tear
This time isn’t perfect.


Starry skies; just like in a mother’s lullaby,
Only in my dreamland.
The child’s eyes weigh heavy-falling into dreams,
Only in my dreamland.
Impossible things are possible,
Only in my dreamland.
Beauty can be found in my mind,
Only in my dreamland.
Visions and prayers played in time,
Only in my dreamland.
No one sees until they sleep,
Only in my dreamland.
Their dreams hold their fates,
Only in my dreamland.
I can cry away my fears,
Only in my dreamland.
Only in my dreamland can I dare to dream
Only in my dreamland.

I Don’t Know

Jesus loves me, yea I know
That Bible there tells me so
I’ve heard his love and read it too,
But I really don’t know what to do.
Should I sing?
Should I cry?
Should I shout, or sit or die?

God is there, I know that too
I feel His presence upon me.
I’ve heard His love and read it too,
But I really don’t know what to do.
Should I praise?
Should I love?
Should I care, or frown or smile?

The Holy Spirit comes upon me
I had it once before.
I’ve heard his love and read it too,
But I really don’t know what to do.
Should I pray?
Should I forgive?
Should I wonder, or feel or give?
I have friends I know that too.
They’ve always been here for me.
I’ve heard their love and read it too,
But I really don’t know what to do.
I know they’re there.
But I can’t feel anymore
I’m confused and alone
And forgotten and abused
Now what should I do?

My heart it throbs from the pain of love, yet there isn’t anything I can do. My love for him is far greater than any and pain can only describe it. He’s seen me at my worst and he’s seen me at my best He has even seen my tears and wished me the very best. But that was all nine months ago before the fights began, before he stopped trusting me, before he hid his hand. He still tells me that he loves me so, but it doesn’t show. He think that I don’t even care I’ve taken all the paths of this dark and lonely maze and the only way out is through that gate I don’t want to pass, but the only way to resolve this pain is to run far away. with or without love behind me I must hide from this pain. He doesn’t act as though he knows that my pain is deep within and with each argument I fall closer to the ledge and soon I’ll fall over and cry and never come back again, but he doesn’t see how depressed I’ve become, he thinks I’m as happy as I could be. He thinks that all I think about is me but I don’t all I think about his him. These are the words I’d never say to him. I have to have romance in my heart again. Love isn’t about what he’s giving me right now. He thinks that love is what he gives but love is what he’s already given. When we use to make love there was a passion to it there was a love to it and now he does it to stop our arguments. That hurts. I feel like I’m worthless and I feel like I’m death. Its always my fault that they leave me. Because I’m worthless and stupid and have no life. But instead of showing that I’m wrong I sit and cry all night. I cry until the dawn and then I cry some more. My new diet is tears and nothing more. I’ll cry and cry and nothing more. Food isn’t help it doesn’t do anything for me, I’ll cry and lose weight and feel completely lost instead of free. I’ll fall into depression and cry that last tear and from a broken heart I’ll fall never to return again. Its not like I’d be noticed if gone, no one would care and even if everything went wrong. He said that I don’t care and he said that I don’t know. But why cant I tell him what I really feel? Because I know he’ll leave me plane on the nose right there. I feel like my life is crushed and I’m only 18 years old. I’ve fallen down a path so bitter and cold, that all that happens is I get old. And now its time for me to end this long and bitter speech, and now he’ll call me and say that I always blame him for what is wrong. Yet I don’t, I say I do but inside I know that my pain is all my fault…and now that I’m crying all alone I’ve been left here in the dark…

Give me a razor and some ice, and I'll carve my pain away
Give me a gun and I'll let the wind blow me away.
Give me a toilet and I'll throw it all away.
Give me a car and I'l drive it far away.
Give me water and I'll breathe it in deep.
Give me pain, I'll give you joy.
Leave me to rot like the uneaten apple
Leave me to die.
Love has abandoned me...

life without love isnt life at all its an empty void of space that only hell can prevail [life] is jsut a pit that we dig to keep from falling deeper, even though we do. But soon the walls of our pit start to cave in and we are trapped from the light and we are left to rot and wallow in our pain and despair. The pain that is felt in side the heart isnt love its torture, and the love that may be felt isnt love its a heart but not a normal heart, it is a heart that has be pierced with a sword of ice frozen for eternity. Only true love may break its binds but until then sleep beacons the sweet heart's presence...and yet again she is left alone to cry.

_| |_
You're My Angel <3

This is where
Here is where my mind wanders. Here is where my heart flies. I want to soar above it all and create a dream. Life is bold and life is short. Live it to the fullest. 


Lost inside my own sanity I cry. These monsters fight to take surface.
I suppress them, forcing them to hide within me soul. 
Lost inside my own heart I cry.
These demons teach me to react different every day, and every night. 
I want to smile, love and laugh but all that happens is I fail and fall. Won't life give my heart a break? 

Liquid Courage 

Swallow fast 
Swallow deep
Every drink with the beat.
Sway here 
Sway there
Scream that you just don't care
Drink up love
Time dies soon
Now you're one step closer to your own doom
Hide yourself
Keep you safe
Tomorrow my be too late
Fall asleep
Forget yourself
And live the cards your life has dealt.


Life of turmoil
Life of regrets
I'm here to live for me now 
Im tired of the things you've said
Life is mine now.
Before I wrote of tears and pain 
Now of strength and glory
I will prevail above it all. 
I no longer linger in sorrow!

Now I know that no one really reads this but you're more than welcome to comment on any of the poetry, I just feel like it's time for me to venture out of my bubble and create who I want to become now.  Hope that ya'll have a terrific day!


Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Buckle down

So I just looked at my grades. I have 2 As and 2 Bs. If I'm smart I'll buckle down and get an A in every class. I just need to buckle down. Tomorrow when I wake up I'm going to write down every assignment I have for every class and figure out a schedule for homework.:-) I will make it this semester. I have to.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


Oh life be told that life be told that love is merely imaginary.
Then thus we must live in secrecy
And let our love flourish.
You keep me warm and happy inside.
Your smile lights my way
There is nothing imaginary about our masquerade.
We dance and sing our eyes give us away.
We are living breathing loving in our own way
Oh life be told that life be told that our love is amazing.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Who knows?

This is where life will being...I need sleep...I can't concentrate...I think bad decisions are going to be made here soon...along with some good ones too!